Treasure, Runes, and a Drink or Two
by Plain Username
Summary: Gill and Kasey can't find the right gifts for their loves until an opportunity arises that they can't deny. Written as a gift for The Altrox for the Secret Santa over at the Village Square. Rated T for swearing and goodhearted debauchery! R&R, please!


**AN **Well, ¡más vale tarde que nunca! This was for the Secret Santa over at the Village Square Forum made especially for **The Altrox**. I hope you like it! I didn't think I would write this much, nor have it take me this long. To me it's still Christmas day, so happy holidays! I was just a little bit tipsy as I wrote this, so sorry if this doesn't make the foggiest bit of sense. I haven't written a fanfiction in a really long time, so I apologize in advance if it's terrible!** /AN**

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><p><strong>Treasure, Runes, and a Drink or Two<strong>

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><p>"I don't know," Gill muttered as he fidgeted in his seat with his eyes directed upwards. "I try every year to give Luna absolutely everything she wants, but she always ends up angry, unhappy or disappointed." He let out a long sigh and placed his head on the counter, almost falling off the bar stool. Kathy placed a new bottle of beer in front of him with a look of pity.<p>

"Gill, buddy, listen to me. You guys have spent every Christmas together for the past 3 years, not to mention all the years you guys were friends in school. It would be impossible to get her the best gift every year. You just can't do it all" Kasey said with an easy smile and ran his hand through his hair, making it even more chaotic than usual. As he took a large gulp of his drink, Kasey scanned the room.

The Brass Bar was filled to capacity, with everyone celebrating the last day of work before the holidays. Sounds of drunken laughter and happy conversation filled the room, and Kasey was finding it hard to focus on the conversation. Selena was on the stage dancing, enjoying the attention of her audience. The music was slow and sensual, enticing the male patrons with her half lidded eyes. The sway of her hips was enough to drive anyone mad, so Gill's complaining was falling upon deaf ears.

Gill sat up and took a long swig from the beer bottle. "Why do we drink this stuff? It's terrible."

"Lighten up. You need that drink. I would too if I lived with Luna. I don't know how you do it, man. That woman's a pain." It was quite obvious that Kasey was starting to get a bit tipsy; his words were slurred and he was swaying on his bar seat. "You should just give 'er a box or something. Say it's filled with love or some bullshit like that. Oh! Oh! Or get 'er a muzzle! Imagine what she'd look like!" Kasey guffawed a little too loudly way while Gill rolled his eyes.

"Some days, I haven't the slightest idea how I'm friends with you." Gill said sarcastically while forcing himself not to smirk. "Luna likes only the most exquisite and expensive. How am I supposed to compete with the diamond necklace I gave for her birthday?"

Kasey's eyes grew wide at the mention of diamonds. "Shit, man, how can you afford that? I wanna get Selena something, but I still need to fix my farm. Do you know much it sucks to have a broken roof in the middle of winter? Plus, I don't think Selena knows I exist." Kasey's shoulders dropped as he stared at the wood grain of the countertop.

"Hey, I told you if you ever need any help – "

"I don't need your charity, Gill," Kasey said curtly. He crossed his arms and turned away, looking back at Gill though the corner of his eye. A blush had spread high on Gill's cheekbones, making his face mottled. He had the decency to look embarrassed.

"I didn't mean it like that, Kasey. I know you'd pay me back eventually. You did that with the payment to my father."

"I know, I know. It's just something that I really don't want to do. I'll find some other way to get Selena a present… Somehow I don't think she'll be too impressed with a chicken egg."

Gill laughed quietly. "I understand where you're coming from. Luna's a difficult girl to please. She might be a bit younger than me, but she definitely knows what she wants. Maybe if I'm lucky… she'll accept a blue feather…" Gill mumbled the last part so it was lost in the chatter of the bar.

"You'll be lucky if, what?" Kasey asked, tipping back the last of his drink. He winked at Kathy as she passed by, and Gill shot him a look. "What? I don't have a girlfriend! I don't have to control myself," Kasey exclaimed, grinning widely the entire time. "What were you saying?"

The bright red blush returned to Gill's face as he looked anywhere but at Kasey. "Oh, uh, it's nothing. It was just something stupid," Gill said as he stumbled over his words.

Kasey wasn't concerned. "Something stupid? I like stupid stuff!" To emphasize his point, he made a ridiculous face that couldn't be humanly possible. Gill still didn't say anything. "Okay, okay, fine. I've got an idea. If you can down your drink faster than me, you don't have to tell me. When I win, you're going to tell me what you're hiding, man," Kasey wagered with a psychotic grin.

Gill shook his head emphatically, waving his arms about. "Oh no, no, no, no, no. There's no way in hell I'm going to do that. I'm already somewhat drunk and if I do that, I'm going to have a terrible hangover tomorrow," Gill stated, rejecting the bet. " And I promised Luna that I'd be back by one," he added with a slight frown, checking his expensive gold watch.

"Shit, man. She's got you whipped. First the presents, now this? Where's your leash, dog?" Kasey was laughing uncontrollably. "I think you're not gonna do it 'cause you know I'll beat you. You can't hold your alcohol!" Kasey was now gaining the attention of some of the surrounding bar goers.

Gill looked like he'd rather tell Chase he loved him, but agreed to the bet. The two shook hands and Kasey yelled out, "We need a judge! You there! Calvin!"

The aforementioned man strolled over and tipped his hat. "Well hey there, boys. What can I do for you?"

"We need you to see who can down their beer the fastest. This is really important," Kasey pleaded with puppy dog eyes and pathetic whimpers.

"Alright, alright," the older man complied with an amused laugh. He waved Kathy over to order two more drinks. "On the count of three, you guys start drinking. The first to slam their empty bottle on the counter wins."

The two other men stared at each other, one with uncontained excitement and the other looking absolutely sickly. Calvin shouted, "One, two… three!" and the two were off, creating quite the spectacle. For some reason, Kasey thought it would be easier and quicker if he lay on the ground and Gill's eyes were focused only on the beer bottle, making him appear quite cross-eyed. Both men slammed their bottles down at the exact same time, much to the surprise of the Brass Bar's occupants and the contestants.

"What? There is no possible way we could've tied! Gill, you cheater!" Kasey shouted irrationally and lunged for the aforementioned man. Gill let out a very unmanly squeak and hid behind Calvin, peaking out once, only to hide again.

Calvin shook his head and dragged Gill out from behind him with one arm and grabbed a hold of Kasey's jacket to keep the two separated. "Now, hold on boys. Both of you finished at the exact same time, and there's no way that Gill cheated. This means a rematch."

Gill groaned and clutched his head, while Kasey fumed with his arms crossed, like a small child who was denied candy. Kathy brought over another two drinks and sat on the bar, giggling into her hand.

"Alright, boys, you know the drill… One, two, three!"

This time, the mood was rather serious as the two glared at each other with downing their drinks with competitive camaraderie. Again, to everyone's surprise, Gill finished first, causing Kasey to spurt out the rest of his drink in a comedic fashion.

Gill, in a very uncharacteristic manner, got up on the bar and gave a sweeping bow, and applauded for himself. Kasey, on the other hand, was rolling around on the floor in dismay.

Calvin chuckled deeply as he brought the two men over to his table, watching them stumble slightly with their arms thrown over each other's shoulders. They seemingly forgot about the earlier bet and were letting the full effects of the alcohol take over their systems.

"Now, boys, I couldn't help overhear your problems with finding gifts for your ladies. I have a proposition for you two," Calvin mentioned with a gleam in his eye. "There's supposedly a hidden treasure at the top of Mount Garmon. Recently I came upon some ancient runes that led me to believe this. The thing is, I need two other people to help me out, and those two people are you guys."

Kasey was instantly entranced, hanging upon every word that left Calvin's mouth. "Treasure? What kind of treasure? I'm in! I hope it's the golden, expensive kind… not the memory ones, amiright?" he slurred, nudging Gill in the side, causing him to wince. Kasey wasn't making the slightest bit of sense.

If Gill was in his normal condition, he would have refused, but the alcohol in his system was causing him to lose all inhibition. "That sounds absolutely delightful. Perhaps I can find some fine, ancient jewelry for Luna."

"So you both want to come? Great! Let's go!" Calvin grabbed both their arms and dragged them into the blizzard howling outside.

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><p>The Harvest Goddess must have been feeling quite generous that evening, for none of the drunken comrades plunged into the raging, icy river on their way to the Garmon Mine District. That, however, didn't keep the winter wind from biting at their cheeks and coating the ground in patches of ice. They stumbled and slid their way to the mine entrance and by the time they arrived, Gill's intoxication served as paranoia as he started having second thoughts.<p>

He hung back a couple of paces as he looked around frantically. There was no possible way that he was going to go through with this.

"Alright, boys. Here we are. There should be a tomb of sorts at the top of this mountain. All we have to do is get up there," Calvin pronounced, standing proudly with his hand on the brim pf his hat.

The reactions of the two other men couldn't have been any more opposite. Kasey was jumping up and down, giggling like a small child, whereas Gill's face turned a sickly pallor and was grabbing his stomach and moaning.

"We can't do this. We're going to die, I swear on it! And then, no one will be able to find us because everyone is at the bar, and there's no one around, and we'll fall off the top, and our bodies will plummet to our deaths, gradually gaining speed until we're almost to the ground, only having our descent stopped by our bodies being impaled by chimneys!" Gill rambled hysterically, wringing his hands, his eyes wild.

Kasey whacked him on the back causing the fair-haired man to tumble onto the ground. "You need to lighten up, man. This is going to be friggin' amazing."

He pulled Gill up and grabbed his face to make him look out into the distance, pointing to an object far off on the horizon. "You see that, there? That right there is treasure, all the riches in the world! Imagine what you can do with that. You'll be able to give Luna whatever her insatiable little heart desires."

Gill glanced at Kasey through his peripherals, not entirely convinced. Sure, absolute fortune sounded great when put like that, but when it's at the risk of death? Gill wasn't so sure.

Kasey looked straight into Gill's eyes, his own unusually clear. "Gill, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Bro, you can use these riches to become president or something. You can finally be someone other than your father's son!"

That was the convincing that needed to be done. Gill gulped much too audibly and nodded to Calvin who was standing a little awkwardly off to the side, not wanting to interfere in the conversation between friends. "Let's do this."

"Sounds good. Kasey, I'm going to need you to clear away any rocks or debris with your hammer. You do have it, right?"

The man in question saluted Calvin and brought out his sledgehammer, face alight with exhilaration. Calvin grinned in approval and turned to Gill. "I'm gonna need you to hold the lantern. It's gonna be pretty dark in there," he declared, shoving an ancient oil lamp into the blonde's arms.

The unlikely trio gradually ascended the floors of the Garmon Mine, every once in a while stopping to catch their breath. As they made their way up, Calvin would run his hands along the walls, feeling the smooth surface, looking for hieroglyphics that would point them in the right direction.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of constant climbing, smashing, and bickering, the three men reach the summit of Mount Garmon. Calvin took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair, letting out a long whistle.

The snow had intensified, creating a thick cloud as the wind swirled around the men, whipping their hair around their faces. From their vantage point, only a small speck of light could be seen below them, making Harmonica town seem like it was worlds away. The summit was slippery with ice, causing the ground to be and ice rink of death. Across a distance was a precariously placed staircase without handrails. The trio couldn't tell what was at the top – the snow was too thick and the area was too high. Underneath the stairs was a gaping chasm that promised a quick and painful death to anybody who slipped.

If Gill was anxious before, he was a total mess now, shaking uncontrollably and his face a pasty color of sickly green. Kasey started bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation. He was so ready to get that treasure. Without waiting for Calvin's direction, he started sprinting across the ice, barely making it to the stairs without falling on his bottom. He pumped his fist in the air and let out an ecstatic "Awww yeaaah!"

Calvin produced a harness out of rope and fashioned it to a hook before treading carefully over to Kasey.

Still stuck to the ground in fear, Gill shouted to the duo,"Go on without me!"

"C'mon, man! You won't get any of the treasure if you don't come with us!" Kasey taunted, starting to ascend the steps.

"I'm not going until I know I'm completely safe!" he shouted, but his voice was drowned out by the howling wind.

Just then, a particularly strong gust of wind pushed Kasey off the edge, and he disappeared into the darkness below. Calvin yelled and went after him, ignoring Gill's terrified screams and his own paralyzing fear.

The air rushed past Calvin as he made his body as small as possible to reach Kasey faster. Kasey was screaming his head off and flailing his limbs in every direction. Finally he caught up to the farmer, and stopped his descent as his safety harness ran out of length just in time. If it had been any shorter, Kasey would have been a dead man. Kasey passed out once Calvin grabbed a hold of him due to the sudden stop. Calvin gritted his teeth as he strained to hold onto the now unconscious body and lugged the man over his shoulder.

Calvin pulled off his belt and fashioned a makeshift harness for Kasey and started to climb the rope. Every foot higher was increasing difficult. His muscles strained as he gripped the rope, his hands blistering from the climb.

After what felt like forever, Calvin finally pulled himself and Kasey over the ledge and collapsed, trying desperately to catch his breath. His hands were red with blood and his arms were quaking. Gill crawled over to the man, and started thanking him profusely before running over to the unconscious Kasey, almost crying in relief.

"You stupid idiot! I can't believe I'm best friends with such a complete and utter dunderhead! Oh goddess, what would I have told the townspeople if you had died! Oh lovely Harvest Goddess! You are so incredibly dimwitted to think that this weather couldn't push you off the edge!"

Of course, if Kasey was awake, Gill wouldn't have said any of this. Kasey would tease him mercilessly.

Slightly dizzy, Gill sat on the ground and chanced a glance at Calvin. He was on his back, spread eagle, staring into the winter sky, letting the snow pile onto his face. "Calvin, what do we do now? Kasey's unconscious and your not in any shape to go anywhere."

Calvin barked a laugh. "Fuck that. I can do anything." To emphasize that, he leapt to his feet as if he was never tired in the first place. He walked over to Kasey, kicked him in the side, and ripped off part of his shirt to make bandages for his hands. "We're going on. I didn't bring you two up here just to back out at the last minute."

Kasey let out a long groan, blinking his eyes repeatedly until he was finally awake and groaned once again. "Why the hell did you do that? Ugh, I think it's bruising already."

Calvin knelt down to look right into Kasey's face, and let out a single utterance, "Treasure."

That was enough to have Kasey forget all previous ailments and he went running up the stairs with Gill sprinting after. Calvin just chuckled and followed them.

When the trio reached the top of the stairs, they were greeted with a large dais with runes framing the outside. It was worn with age and held an enigmatic quality that entranced the visitors to gravitate closer, as if in a trance.

It was only until Calvin heard a click that he knew something was going to go wrong. All at once, Kasey stepped onto a stone button causing a vast pit to open up in front of them, laden with spikes and venomous snakes. Had it not been for Calvin grabbing the back of their shirts, the two others might have been snake food, that is, after they had been impaled on deadly points.

"Are you guys trying to get yourselves killed?" Calvin was livid, almost to the point of spitting flames, had he the capabilities. Calvin ran his hand over his face and let out a disgruntled sigh. "Okay, you guys just stay put. I'll go get the treasure and bring it back for you," he said to them in a cool and collected tone, much like the way a parent would to a misbehaving child.

Despite how enthusiastic Kasey had been about the adventure before, he simply stood back and motioned for Calvin to carry on. "Well, if you're gonna do that, might as well keep myself entertained!" He exclaimed with a giddy look upon his face, and somehow procured a flask filled with whiskey from his pocket and starting drinking.

He offered the alcohol to Gill who gladly accepted. "Right now, I think I'll do anything to forget this entire thing happened."

"To hangovers!"

"To debauchery!"

"To treasure!"

"To adventure!"

"To the ladies…"

"To my dad?"

"To, uh, my cat!"

After each swig, they toasted to ridiculous, nonsensical things, with each one causing them to break into fits of giggles.

"Ahaha, we're ssso hilarious," Kasey slurred, the alcohol kicking in already.

Calvin just rolled his eyes and continued on.

"I knew I shouldn't have asked you guys."

He cleared the lethal pit in one bounding leap and landed in a roll. He rose up into a crouch and brushed the dirt off his shoulder. As he glanced upward, he saw the goal he'd been striving towards all along. There, on top of the dais was a modest chest, embellished with suns and runes along the edges.

Wary of other traps, Calvin made his way slowly to the trunk, tip-toeing around all suspicious floor tiles. He grabbed the trunk and was about to pat himself on the back when the ground started shaking uncontrollably. In horror, Calvin starting dashed away in reckless abandon as the tiles started to drop out beneath him.

"KASEY, GILL! RUN!" He bellowed, holding the treasure chest in his arms and ran past them, heading for the staircase.

The two men looked up in bewilderment, almost spitting out their whiskey when they saw what was coming their way. Eyes as wide as saucers, they caught up to him, their legs pumping as fast as they would carry them.

As they got to the staircase, it started crumbling beneath them. Calvin made a split second decision and pushed the duo forward, thrusting the chest into their hands. The stairs fell out beneath him and he started tumbling down the chasm, much to the silent horror of Gill and Kasey.

By some insane chance of fate, Calvin was able to extract a knife from his boot and shove it into a crevice of the rock face, stopping his descent. This was one too many times to fall to your death in one day. Without any ropes or harnesses, Calvin made his way up one more, and heaved himself back onto the ledge where the two other men stood paralyzed.

"Well, boys, hasn't this been a lovely fucking tea party? Let's get out of here," Calvin announced, acting like the entire debacle was not of great importance.

Kasey summed up the adventure in two simple words: "Holy fuck."

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><p>Somehow, against all odds, the trio made it back to the brass bar alive without any major injuries. They spread out their boon all over the floor in Calvin's room, marveling at the vast beauty of the various gems, jewelry and metal.<p>

"Do you think you'll find something your girls will like?" Calvin inquired, only mildly interested.

"How did you know we were looki—" Gill started.

Kasey interrupted as he beamed. "—Yeah, I think I found something…" He held up a long golden pendant carved into the shape of an elegant phoenix. The wings were encrusted with rubies that caught the light perfectly. "

"I hope she'll like it… She doesn't seem to be the kind of girl who will be bought over with nice things, but I just wanna let her know that I'm serious about her," he sighed dreamily. "Does that make me a stalker?"

Gill snorted and gave a weak punch to the shoulder. "Nah, I'm sure she gets guys like you drooling over her all the time. She should be used to being showered with gifts by creepy farmers."

"What! What's that supposed to mean?" Kasey cried indignantly. " Oh goddess, she's going to think I'm so dumb and stupid and superficial and dumb!" He buried his face in his hands. "Or worse: she's gonna think that I think that she's superficial and dumb. I'm so dumb!" He wailed uncharacteristically.

"Kasey, lighten up, man. It's fine. You're fine. Calm down. You're starting to sound like me!" Gill responded to which Kasey sobered up rather suddenly.

"Okay, fine… sure," Kasey pouted. "What did you find for Luna?" he asked, switching the attention to Gill.

"Oh, I found numerous things, but one thing stood out to me in particular."

Gill brought out a small silver ring of the highest quality. Its extravagant detail wound around multiple diamonds until curling around an exquisite blue stone in the center. Flecks of light caught the stone, causing it to shimmer in the light much like the wings of a bluebird.

Calvin came closer to look at the ring. "You know, I think I've read about something like these somewhere. In early, almost ancient times, people used to collect the feathers of the bluebird, much like our tradition now. But instead of just giving the feather, they would almost melt or pulverize it and embed it in blue amber or something. It's an engagement ring."

With those four words, Gill's face flushed a bright red, looking anywhere but at the ring or the two men.

Kasey jumped to his feet. "That's it! That's what you've been hiding! You're gonna propose to Luna!"

Gill gave no answer, but his mortified expression might as well have.

"Well, hats off to you, bro!" Kasey brought out his beloved flask and took a drink.

"I think you're becoming an alcoholic, Kasey. You need to watch your girlish figure," Gill deadpanned.

"Eh, I only drink on special occasions, and this happens to be it. Congratulations!"

Gill rolled his eyes in response. "I haven't exactly proposed to her yet. She might say no."

Calvin interrupted, much to Gill's surprise. "I wouldn't worry about that, Gill. With that ring and your personality, she'd be a fool to say no."

Gill's blush returned, along with his mortified expression. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, "So, why did you drag us along on this little 'excursion?' We were of absolute no help!"

Calvin rubbed the back of his neck and brought out a worn tablet from his leather bag. "I found this carving a long time ago, and I just figured out most of the runes. It reads something like this:

_Within nature's greatest peak_

_Lays the greatest treasure one can seek. _

_However, of greed, so wicked and askew,_

_Shall the valiant helplessly fall through. _

_His life to be rescued by fate, _

_The true heart shall misfortune negate. _

_Only with the companionship of three_

_Shall the treasure be theirs to see._

"I might have mistranslated some words… I wasn't sure about 'peak.' I almost thought it was 'creek,' so that's why I brought you two along. I needed to see if this would come true. And if it was really at the top of Mount Garmon or actually at a creek somewhere…"

Calvin's eyes were positively on fire with merriment. He stroked his stubble-covered chin. "I didn't think that I would almost die so many times. Or have Kasey pushed off a cliff." He paused for a long moment. "Ah well, it was fun, wasn't it?"

Gill and Kasey both groaned, falling back into the puddle of treasure on the floor.

**AN** Well, that's it. Review, please! (and let me know if there are any errors!) **And The Altrox, YOU MUST REVIEW**. And who knows, maybe I'll write a sequel if I find the motivation. Hoorah for the holidays and unbounded laziness!** /AN**


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